As Magnificent As It Is Scary

Falling in love is as magnificent as it is scary. Magnificent because all those surging hormones and neurotransmitters make us feel euphoric, invincible, joyous, and childish. Scary because those same chemicals give us anxiety, fear, and cause any unresolved intimacy issues we may have to surface with the speed of a tankless diver. It is all too easy to get lost in these feelings without the best outcome. For me, I know the anxiety can be unbearable. Too many unknowns to wonder about. Is she experiencing the same thing? Am I managing this well? What do I do? What do I say? How much is too little or too much? Most of the time many of us will do whatever comes easiest to our subconscious self to rid ourselves of these anxious feelings heightened by the norepinephrine and epinephrine surging through our system. Relying on past experiences and poor models it is easy to self sabotage and get lost in, then out of, these emotions. Safety, comfort, and security become those states we look for, then try to create at all costs, but it is in this arena of discomfort where the magic happens. It is in this space where if we can be authentic, then intimacy and connection are possible. The problem seems to be that in order to productively work through these feelings one has to experience them often enough to get the practice of doing so, but as Sonny tells Calogero from A Bronx Tale, "It tends to come around once every ten years like the great fighters." So much for practice.

 Righting the ship in this storm of these emotions and feelings is not easy but it doesn't have to be impossible either. Easier said than done. For most of us it would seem the best we can do is to try and not make the biggest ass of ourselves while going through what for many of us is the best feeling and experience in the world, even if it only comes along once every decade or so. Staying in the moment and relishing every second of the experience and keeping that focus seems to be the best thing we can do. As Dr Philip Zimbardo writes, "The past no longer exists and the future hasn't happened. All we have is right now."




#elliotyi
#paradigmleft
#habits
#mindset