Those Things A Newly Single Male Notices

Social circles tend to develop organically and become habitual pathways. For many of us, what our relationship status is greatly influences a large portion of these social circles. Married people tend to have married friends so when you become single after being coupled up for a period of time, a great many things change socially.

This was exactly the situation I found myself in when I got divorced. All my friends are married and making single friends after a certain age proved to be challenging to say the least. Sometimes shock and awe accompanies a break up or divorce which plays a role in how people react to the newly minted single.

This Labor Day weekend I expressed to some friends that I may go camping alone when asked about my Labor Day plans. Although I have been single for almost four and a half years, I still get that 'feeling sad for me look', or that 'is he crazy look.'

I've broken down the newly single stages into two groups. Group one is your recovery stage.
That stage where you need to get yourself right after your breakup. The time length will be subjective and different for everyone. Same with the second stage where you are at peace with being single and back to living your life.

Here a few things you may notice if you are a newly single male during your first single stage:

-Don't be shocked if your married or cohabit sting friends disappear. It has nothing to do with you. Many people simply just don't know what to say or how to act about your new status and because men rarely, if ever, talk about their feelings with one another, it is an emotional minefield they look to avoid.

-People check in on you just to make sure you haven't killed yourself, but they really don't want details about how you are doing.

-You can close your evite account to anything that is going to be couple oriented.

-Get used to looks of 'pity', 'is he crazy', or my favorite, 'I could never do that.'

During the second single stage things get fun because although you will have moved on, you will notice many of your friends haven't :

-Everyone will wonder if you really are ok.

-You can still keep your evite account closed because no one will believe you are ok....because you are still single.

-You will hear complaints you never heard before about friends marriages, lives, relationships and about how lucky you are to be single....but none would change their relationship status because they would dress being you.....alone.

-Telling people you vacation alone, or that you go to restaurants alone will make you think they just watched Old Yeller.

-They may tend to think something is wrong with you if you're single for too long, like for four years or so.

Everything in life is what you decide to make of it and much of this has to do with where you put your focus and attention. Feeling lonely sucks. We all experience from time to time whether we are single or married. Being single and alone is a great time to find yourself and understand yourself and when you cross paths with that special someone, you will definitely know it because all those neural pathways in your brain will be lighting up like its the Fourth of July. I write from experience.



#elliotyi
#paradigmleft
#habits
#mindset