Everything You Wanted To Know About Love

I knew the title would get your attention. Today we have the capability to learn just about anything we want for free. You can read a book on how to fix the kitchen sink, watch a YouTube video on how to bake a cake. But navigating our emotional constitutions, getting in touch with and expressing our emotions and learning how to be in healthy relationships are things we all want but few learn to do.

Learning to love is just like learning anything else. Obtain the knowledge, practice, and apply. We tend to not have this approach and simply operate on auto-pilot. Our auto-pilot feature more often than not was installed in us by people who more than likely didn't have the healthiest concept or practice of love, our parents.

Romantic love has its components. There is attraction, then there is doing, being, acting. Some would include lust and infatuation with attraction, but these are unhealthy extremes of this. Once people move past the dating phase and into the commitment phase, this is where all the bodies are buried. The skeletons rise and any intimacy issue you have surfaces. It could be trust issues, abandonment issues, self esteem issues, we all have them. But if you understand that feelings come and go and are not constant, then you are way ahead of the game. This is where you choose whether to love or not. Love requires two things above and beyond all else. Trust and commitment.

Our feelings are subject to our moods, environments, situations, and past experiences which form our scripts. Our feelings can fluctuate like the stock market. But it is our commitment that steadies the ship. Committing to love means you are willing to behave in a way that brings love to your partner. You will do the things, say the things, show the things they need to feel loved to continuously replenish their emotional love tank. Period. Not enough people do their homework in this regard and wonder why love has disappeared from their relationship. Well, this is why.

Practicing commitment and committing to someone is a choice. Thus, loving someone is a choice. Sorry, love is not some empirical force that snatches two random people and lets them live happily ever after. Love is a choice between two people to commit. Love is the most spectacular experience we can have, but it requires a commitment to the process to be sustained.

Being in love and loving are two different areas of love. Too often people want the honeymoon phase to last forever but don't commit to sustaining it. They believe it happens on its own. This is incorrect. Each of us has something that speaks to us in our language of love. Gratitude, appreciation, the fine details, the small gestures, whatever it is, it is your responsibility to find out what speaks to your partner and to do it. Seems simple enough but too many people don't. This is a day in and day out process and effort. It never ends. Active loving occurs everyday. This is commitment.

Kindness in conflict is a commitment to actively loving. Any relationship will have conflict. This is normal. How we choose to express this is a practice in loving. The words we choose, the tone we use, the body language we choose, all this factors in to our commitment to love.

Each and every feeling a person has is valid and needs to be explored and discussed but not every behavior we express is valid and acceptable. Our intimate partner is the most important person in the most important relationship in our lives. Be mindful of this and behave accordingly. Be mindful of your tone, actions, and what you choose to express. This is committing to and practicing loving.

Anyone who has been a part of a loving relationship knows how wonderful the experience is. We are social animals and all want this on some level. But understanding that valleys exist is important and committing to getting out of those valleys is equally important in being in a healthy and loving relationship. If some of these things seem like too much work, then maybe a relationship is not for you. Only you can decide that for yourself. Nothing worthwhile in life is easy to obtain and then sustain. It all takes work, effort and commitment. And the most important relationship most of us will ever have is no different.



#elliotyi
#paradigmleft
#habits
#mindset