The Pain of Rejection
Few things are more painful than a broken heart. Some may go so far as to say it is the absolute most painful experience we can have. But, what is it that actually breaks? Science has an answer.
Over the course of human evolution, we humans have stood resilient over a great many adversities. One of the main reasons is our ability to form large cooperative groups. There is no other species that can form as large or as cooperating a group as humans can form. We are the apex of all social species. So our survival is based on being a part of a group. Cultural ethnic groups, networks, tribes, clans, families, sports fans, religious groups, political groups, we all seek deep down to be a part of something that makes us feel like we belong.
The most delicate and important of these are our intimate relationships. The level of trust and vulnerability necessary to have a healthy intimate relationship is greater than any other, hence it subjects us to the most risk.
Over the last two million years, if a human was left to be alone that was essentially a death sentence. The hostile environments that existed would simply devour anyone alone. As many neurologists will tell you, our brains evolve very slowly. It takes time for our brains to adjust to our environments and as our environments are constantly changing and advancing, our brains are always playing catch up. What this means is when your significant other hurts you, leaves you, the brain receives this as a literal death sentence. It then sends all the physical signals to your body that you are dying, but you are not dying. As Dr Joe Dispenza says, your body then starts to trick the mind and all those physical panic signals become anxiety fear, anger etc. One of the best and simplest exercises I use is controlled breathing. Deep breaths all while reassuring myself that I am ok. That I am not in danger. It is at his moment we have to practice getting our prefrontal cortex to take control from the emotional amygdala. This does not happen overnight, but like anything else in life, with practice you will get better at it.
Emotional pain resides in the same part of the brain that physical pain is managed from. So if I were to get stabbed in the chest with a sword, the part of the brain that manages this pain is the same part that reacts when I have my heart broken. Even worse, emotional pain can be relived as if it just happened where as physical pain heals, emotional pain is kept alive by our thinking. We can't relive the pain of a broken arm, but we can relive a broken heart years after it happened. Rumination is the enemy. It becomes critical for us to be able to manage our thinking when recovering from emotional pain.
Broken hearts are real. Their pain is as real as getting shot. Unlike physical wounds that heal under a certain physical protocol, our emotional wounds require specific attention, exercises, and time to heal. More on these healing exercises to come.
#elliotyi
#paradigmleft
#habits
#mindset
Over the course of human evolution, we humans have stood resilient over a great many adversities. One of the main reasons is our ability to form large cooperative groups. There is no other species that can form as large or as cooperating a group as humans can form. We are the apex of all social species. So our survival is based on being a part of a group. Cultural ethnic groups, networks, tribes, clans, families, sports fans, religious groups, political groups, we all seek deep down to be a part of something that makes us feel like we belong.
The most delicate and important of these are our intimate relationships. The level of trust and vulnerability necessary to have a healthy intimate relationship is greater than any other, hence it subjects us to the most risk.
Over the last two million years, if a human was left to be alone that was essentially a death sentence. The hostile environments that existed would simply devour anyone alone. As many neurologists will tell you, our brains evolve very slowly. It takes time for our brains to adjust to our environments and as our environments are constantly changing and advancing, our brains are always playing catch up. What this means is when your significant other hurts you, leaves you, the brain receives this as a literal death sentence. It then sends all the physical signals to your body that you are dying, but you are not dying. As Dr Joe Dispenza says, your body then starts to trick the mind and all those physical panic signals become anxiety fear, anger etc. One of the best and simplest exercises I use is controlled breathing. Deep breaths all while reassuring myself that I am ok. That I am not in danger. It is at his moment we have to practice getting our prefrontal cortex to take control from the emotional amygdala. This does not happen overnight, but like anything else in life, with practice you will get better at it.
Emotional pain resides in the same part of the brain that physical pain is managed from. So if I were to get stabbed in the chest with a sword, the part of the brain that manages this pain is the same part that reacts when I have my heart broken. Even worse, emotional pain can be relived as if it just happened where as physical pain heals, emotional pain is kept alive by our thinking. We can't relive the pain of a broken arm, but we can relive a broken heart years after it happened. Rumination is the enemy. It becomes critical for us to be able to manage our thinking when recovering from emotional pain.
Broken hearts are real. Their pain is as real as getting shot. Unlike physical wounds that heal under a certain physical protocol, our emotional wounds require specific attention, exercises, and time to heal. More on these healing exercises to come.
#elliotyi
#paradigmleft
#habits
#mindset
Comments
Post a Comment