Managing Criticism

The voices we all have in our heads can be ruthless. It is not uncommon for our own voices to be more critical and judgmental than anything anyone else can say to us. If we are going to manage criticism from others, we first have to manage our own.

These voices in our heads are not our own. That is, they sound like us because it is in fact our voice but it is not ours in origin. The conditioned concept was learned and inherited by us from our earliest caretakers which for many of us were our parents. Once these took roots and laid tracks we would regularly use the words and beliefs of others but in our voice. It is easy to see why we would over time simply believe this as fact. Its puppetry at its finest.

Once we can understand and embrace this concept we can deconstruct these thoughts and beliefs and replace them with our own. We are creators but we need to know what we truly want to create. For most of my adult life I was my worst critic. In many ways I still am as I create my own expectations but I have learned to but gentler and kinder with my approach to myself and others in the process.

Each and every time I challenged myself to step out and get beyond myself I faced criticism. I challenged myself to read one hundred books in a year a few years back and many around me didn't understand why and volunteered opinions more critical than not. When I challenged myself to write my first book I was offered constructive criticism about what I am doing wrong in not getting it out to more eyes and so forth. When I started my blog I again was able to warrant advise on how to market it better and most recently when I started my podcast I was told everything I was doing wrong and what I needed to do to make it better.

The funny thing is everyone who had something constructive to say, isn't really doing anything themselves. And once you start to make moves of your own you will find this more to be the norm. It's nothing to take personal. Once you become focused and locked in on yourself and what you are trying to do nothing anyone has to say will matter particularly those that aren't moving in your direction.

Criticism is more normal than not. It is almost our default setting. Only by consciously working to get beyond this will it change. This is another reason to not take criticism personally. This is difficult because as social animals always looking for cohesion criticism serves as a medium of alienation and this negatively impacts us.

 I did not know how to do any of these things I challenged myself to. And that is the key. We all are not going to be good at the things we want to do until we get to doing them. Stay committed to your process and over time you will make progress.