Carrying Emotional Pain Doesn't Have to Wear You Down
Emotional pain is something we can all relate to. We have all experienced it and will continue to do so. It's just part of being human. But we can get to a point where it is kind of just there without commanding our attention and focus which can lead to suffering long after the incident that initially caused us pain.
Rejection, loneliness, and loss are three elements of an emotional cocktail no one orders but sometimes we are forced to drink. Just like the child taking medicine we don't want because it tastes bad, we sometimes have to gulp down this mix and hope we don't vomit it back up. But there is something unique about experiencing hardship that can be beneficial if you let it.
Without getting into too much detail I like many have dealt with my share of emotional pain. Rejection, bouts of loneliness, and loss have uninvitingly reached out to me for a response and I am happy to say I not only sat with them, but have had lengthy discussions with them about how to properly manage carrying them.
At first read it may seem odd. My journey over these last five years has had me deal with divorce, death of a beloved pet, and a diagnosis of dementia of a parent in an overlapping array of emotional chaos that I frequently questioned as to whether or not I would be able to stand right side up at times. I learned something about myself and people in general in this process. We are far more resilient than we think we are.
Although life had thrown me a curve ball of hall of fame proportions I managed to accomplish a great many things over this same time period I probably would not have done had I not been challenged with the adversity I was faced with. The million dollar question however is how did I choose to work to be productive as opposed to being destructive which we all know is easier than not particularly in emotionally difficult times. As social psychologists will tell you we never know why we do the things we do. I just worked very hard to make a conscious effort to think long term with respect to the consequences of my decisions. But this required something of me I was unaware of at the time would have the benefits it does. I never backed away from feeling pain. On the contrary, I stepped into it. I let it course through my system from head to toe and I gave it the respect that it is due.
I learned that emotions and feelings are important and vital to our well being and not just the feel good ones. We seldom need coaching on how to deal with and handle our creative emotions of joy, love, happiness etc. but we get into trouble when faced with fear, anger, hurt etc. Emotions and feelings are temporary, they don't last. Think about it, even the happiest people you know get upset and the most depressed people you know experience joy. Where we stay parked more often than not is an issue for another article but when you can grasp that whatever you feel in any given moment is in fact temporary something magical can happen. You can sit with discomfort. You learn to step into pain. You let yourself feel it. You let yourself cry it out. And by doing this you don't seek out comfort in a way that could have a long term detrimental effect. On the flip side when you experience joy and happiness you cherish the moment and have gratitude because you know that this too will not last.
This mindset and practice may take time to get used to but it is possible to embrace. I know because I have done so. Next time you are in the midst of that uncomfortable feeling, instead of running from it step into it. When we step into pain it loses its grip on us and we are made to be more confident in dealing with the next time around.
Rejection, loneliness, and loss are three elements of an emotional cocktail no one orders but sometimes we are forced to drink. Just like the child taking medicine we don't want because it tastes bad, we sometimes have to gulp down this mix and hope we don't vomit it back up. But there is something unique about experiencing hardship that can be beneficial if you let it.
Without getting into too much detail I like many have dealt with my share of emotional pain. Rejection, bouts of loneliness, and loss have uninvitingly reached out to me for a response and I am happy to say I not only sat with them, but have had lengthy discussions with them about how to properly manage carrying them.
At first read it may seem odd. My journey over these last five years has had me deal with divorce, death of a beloved pet, and a diagnosis of dementia of a parent in an overlapping array of emotional chaos that I frequently questioned as to whether or not I would be able to stand right side up at times. I learned something about myself and people in general in this process. We are far more resilient than we think we are.
Although life had thrown me a curve ball of hall of fame proportions I managed to accomplish a great many things over this same time period I probably would not have done had I not been challenged with the adversity I was faced with. The million dollar question however is how did I choose to work to be productive as opposed to being destructive which we all know is easier than not particularly in emotionally difficult times. As social psychologists will tell you we never know why we do the things we do. I just worked very hard to make a conscious effort to think long term with respect to the consequences of my decisions. But this required something of me I was unaware of at the time would have the benefits it does. I never backed away from feeling pain. On the contrary, I stepped into it. I let it course through my system from head to toe and I gave it the respect that it is due.
I learned that emotions and feelings are important and vital to our well being and not just the feel good ones. We seldom need coaching on how to deal with and handle our creative emotions of joy, love, happiness etc. but we get into trouble when faced with fear, anger, hurt etc. Emotions and feelings are temporary, they don't last. Think about it, even the happiest people you know get upset and the most depressed people you know experience joy. Where we stay parked more often than not is an issue for another article but when you can grasp that whatever you feel in any given moment is in fact temporary something magical can happen. You can sit with discomfort. You learn to step into pain. You let yourself feel it. You let yourself cry it out. And by doing this you don't seek out comfort in a way that could have a long term detrimental effect. On the flip side when you experience joy and happiness you cherish the moment and have gratitude because you know that this too will not last.
This mindset and practice may take time to get used to but it is possible to embrace. I know because I have done so. Next time you are in the midst of that uncomfortable feeling, instead of running from it step into it. When we step into pain it loses its grip on us and we are made to be more confident in dealing with the next time around.
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