Uncomfortable Feelings Have Their Place And It Is An Important One
The general rule of our emotional constitution is that we have basically two modes; approach and retreat. The feelings we assign to the relative emotion dictates our direction. In our modern way of living with how we are socially wired we can often confuse one feeling applied to an emotion for the wrong outcome. Confused yet?
We generate our feelings by applying labels to the emotions we experiences through our sensory filters. Historically speaking we just either fought or ran. The times have seriously changed but we are so good at experiencing these emotions we developed a way to apply a multitude of different feelings to the same emotions. The biometric readings of elevated heart rate, pupil dilation, increased respiration, blood shunt to the abdomen to provide increased circulation to the extremities, and enhanced visual focus are all present in the feelings of fear, excitement, love, and worry. Some provide approach behavior and some provide retreat behavior.
Where we get into trouble is when we apply approach feelings when we should retreat and when we retreat although it better serves us to approach. Each instance is going to be subjective to every person but what is empirical is that in order to change this we have to sit in what is uncomfortable to us. Once we can truly grasp that feelings are nothing more than feelings and that we in fact generate them, we can then slow things down and let ourselves actually feel them. No emotion or feeling is constant. They all come and go. The key to optimize our lives and enhance our performance wherever we decide we want is to apply the best feeling to the emotion to power us in the direction of our choosing. This is truly one of the most magnificent super powers we have. No other organism is capable of this.
When I am experiencing an uncomfortable survival feeling (fear, anxiety) it is a scary thing. My default setting thrusts me to seek out comfort any which way I can. This is true for all of us. The pleasure center in our brains literally light up wanting us to seek comfort and safety. This can be in the form of something unproductive (alcohol, food, sex, drugs, work) or something productive (work, money, status) This is a function of the brain. This is the base model. But our brain also has the MayBach Luxury and the Ruf performance option and it is very very expensive. Instead of cash the price is time, commitment, and persistence. If we work to obtain these high option packages we create from a completely different space. We are free to choose whatever we like. When in the throws of deep survival feelings take a deep breath, this works to calm the system and create space. Always keep in mind our feelings are our own creation and they are not to be feared. As we get better at creating space we can observe ourselves experiencing these feelings we can apply different feelings to our emotions. We can look into our closet of feelings and see what feeling works best with the given emotion in that space and time.
In discomfort we can practice gratitude. The mindset of being thankful for the struggle for an opportunity to grow is powerful. Gratitude opens us up and helps us to connect to all things creative. And being able to create without any interference is the goal. I am not suggesting that in the face of danger we work to rewire our response but I am suggesting to self audit our responses and truly ask if they are appropriate and working to your advantage. Is there really danger if your romantic advance is rejected? Is there really danger in having an uncomfortable conversation?
Our emotions and feelings are important to us. It is how we form the intimate and social bonds we have. Too many of us are bonding through feelings that aren't the healthiest and this has dire consequences on the quality of the lives we live. Practice sitting in discomfort from time to time to change the narrative of the feeling you apply and create the desired response that you know will work best for yourself and your loved ones.
We generate our feelings by applying labels to the emotions we experiences through our sensory filters. Historically speaking we just either fought or ran. The times have seriously changed but we are so good at experiencing these emotions we developed a way to apply a multitude of different feelings to the same emotions. The biometric readings of elevated heart rate, pupil dilation, increased respiration, blood shunt to the abdomen to provide increased circulation to the extremities, and enhanced visual focus are all present in the feelings of fear, excitement, love, and worry. Some provide approach behavior and some provide retreat behavior.
Where we get into trouble is when we apply approach feelings when we should retreat and when we retreat although it better serves us to approach. Each instance is going to be subjective to every person but what is empirical is that in order to change this we have to sit in what is uncomfortable to us. Once we can truly grasp that feelings are nothing more than feelings and that we in fact generate them, we can then slow things down and let ourselves actually feel them. No emotion or feeling is constant. They all come and go. The key to optimize our lives and enhance our performance wherever we decide we want is to apply the best feeling to the emotion to power us in the direction of our choosing. This is truly one of the most magnificent super powers we have. No other organism is capable of this.
When I am experiencing an uncomfortable survival feeling (fear, anxiety) it is a scary thing. My default setting thrusts me to seek out comfort any which way I can. This is true for all of us. The pleasure center in our brains literally light up wanting us to seek comfort and safety. This can be in the form of something unproductive (alcohol, food, sex, drugs, work) or something productive (work, money, status) This is a function of the brain. This is the base model. But our brain also has the MayBach Luxury and the Ruf performance option and it is very very expensive. Instead of cash the price is time, commitment, and persistence. If we work to obtain these high option packages we create from a completely different space. We are free to choose whatever we like. When in the throws of deep survival feelings take a deep breath, this works to calm the system and create space. Always keep in mind our feelings are our own creation and they are not to be feared. As we get better at creating space we can observe ourselves experiencing these feelings we can apply different feelings to our emotions. We can look into our closet of feelings and see what feeling works best with the given emotion in that space and time.
In discomfort we can practice gratitude. The mindset of being thankful for the struggle for an opportunity to grow is powerful. Gratitude opens us up and helps us to connect to all things creative. And being able to create without any interference is the goal. I am not suggesting that in the face of danger we work to rewire our response but I am suggesting to self audit our responses and truly ask if they are appropriate and working to your advantage. Is there really danger if your romantic advance is rejected? Is there really danger in having an uncomfortable conversation?
Our emotions and feelings are important to us. It is how we form the intimate and social bonds we have. Too many of us are bonding through feelings that aren't the healthiest and this has dire consequences on the quality of the lives we live. Practice sitting in discomfort from time to time to change the narrative of the feeling you apply and create the desired response that you know will work best for yourself and your loved ones.
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